I am a socially savvy Health Insurance Agent on a journey to survive while battling the fight to lose. Lose everything; lose weight, lose bad habits, lose all that baggage we hold onto. How can I be a Health Insurance Agent and not be healthy? Working in this field, I hear so many stories of health issues, struggles and victories. Some of those stories have left me in fear of my own health and my own longevity in this world. At the age of 35, a quest for understanding of my own fertility (or lack thereof), led me to making the biggest decision of my life: whether or not I should have gastric bypass surgery( #rny) to accomplish my weight loss success and have a real chance at motherhood. This is my battle to lose so that I might live! Posting my first full body pic in a very long time. It’s of me and my brother Scott at Easter. I never let anyone take full body pics of me because I feel so embarrassed. How did I allow myself to get to this point? I figure that if I am going to keep up this serious effort at changing, I might as well face it head on and look in the mirror. Can’t change what you are afraid to look at. So I guess this is my “before” picture. 
I am lazy!!! No, I really am. Apparently, this is how I got to be obese. “Morbidly obese” according to doctors. How disgusting does that sound? Talk about hating yourself after leaving a doctor. I prefer to call myself “fluffy” in the words of Gabriel Iglesias. That sounds so much nicer. Either way, I am lazy and its the number one thing that I am working on.
Everyday for the last 3 weeks, I have worked out every single day in some form. However, I had to make it fun for myself, otherwise I knew I wouldn’t stick to it. They say that when you do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit. Not for me. Around the 3rd week is when I give up. This time was different. I kept going and I even increased what I was doing. No rest days.
First, I am a Rockstar Aunt. I am an Aunt to 11 nieces and nephews. Four of those children are in my life on a daily basis practically. They are my inspiration for losing weight. I want to be a role model for them and I want to be around a long time so that I can see them grow up. So, to start we went to the McKinley Monument here in Canton, Ohio. I figured that if I took them, then I would be forced to climb the steps after them and we could make a game of it. We have now done that three times in the last week. 108 steps. I normally make it up and down at least twice. With the metal in my legs, it is more painful coming down, so I just go slow. They slide down the sides and we have a blast. Don’t even notice that I am getting in a killer workout. My niece Bryanah in the batgirl shirt below is blind and is fearless. She gives me the courage to push through the challenges and struggles.
I also got some new exercise dvds that include dance. I love to dance. I turn on my timer and dance for minimum of 15 minutes or longer depending on how I feel. I work hard at working up a sweat and I try not to rest. I have danced around my house like an idiot since I was a child. It’s probably my favorite thing to do and if it helps me burn calories even better. I plan on reviewing each dvd and letting my friends know which ones I think are good and which ones bore me to pieces. If anyone saw me doing this, I’d probably be put on Youtube. Although, I really think that I have moves. I taught all my friends, cousins and my nephews and nieces how to dance. My blind niece can boogie!
Everyday I find new ways to get my workout in. I also found an Ab and Squat Challenge to start over 2 weeks ago on 30daychallenges.com. I am on day 12 and today I have to do 65 squats!!!! I can do it but ugh, that’s a lot of squats. My boyfriend is doing the challenge with me, so that helps out a lot (although he asked for a couple day break yesterday – shhhhh). A few people online said they would do it with me but they are ghosts now. It is tough, but it’s fun when someone else is doing it with you. Once I complete it, I will find another challenge that pushes me.
The whole point to this post is that I want to be a new and improved version of myself and the only way for me to continue on this journey is to make those activities that I hate just a little more fun. No more laziness, well maybe after I take this nap real quick. Just kidding….
Does anyone else get social anxiety when you are over 300 lbs and you try to go to the local gym? It freaks me out! I am at my largest weight and here comes the honesty….I am at 380lbs. Although I am constantly told that I don’t look it and that I carry my weight well, the truth is in the numbers. When I realized how close to 400 lbs I was, I pretty much FREAKED OUT! When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a girl that could possibly weigh that much.
All my life I have struggled with my weight. The older I got, the more I put on. Every year it was as if I went up a pant size. All through high school I was a size 16-18. I was so active that I pretty much maintained that size. I skated, I rode bikes, I hiked, etc. I weighed around 180lbs and I was HOT! I was never that girl that got picked on for my weight except for the occasional disgruntled ex-boyfriend or a jealous girl who couldn’t understand how I was so popular but not skinny like the girls on magazines. Crazy thing is, I never wanted to be like those girls. I loved being “thick”. I have big eyes, I think I’d look like a bug if I was too thin. Lol.
Right after highschool, I broke my left leg and had to have a metal plate put in and in my early 20s I got in a car accident and shattered my right leg. Both incidents took me over 6 months to learn how to walk again. When you are overweight naturally and now you aren’t moving the weight just piles on. I think I gained 100 by the time I was 23. Then the depression sunk in and the excuses started increasing. I hated what I saw in the mirror and then the emotional eating began. I ate out of boredom, sadness, anger, etc. I never really learned anything about healthy eating. Food was my addiction. Still is. It’s a daily battle. Battle to eat the right things, eat less portions, don’t eat out, exercise, cook my own meals. God, it seems like so much work.
I refused to weigh myself for years. I preferred to go by my pant size and how I felt when I looked in the mirror. Well that would only work for a short time and I’d fall off and gain all the weight back and more. I lost 75 lbs once and gained it all back. I’ve had enough of all this back and forth. I just want to win the battle once and for all. I admire people who love to be fit and healthy. They truly enjoy it. I’d like to get to that point. I want to change and I want to enjoy it. I need a whole new persepctive on things. I’ve been telling myself that it’s easy this time around. 200lb weight loss isn’t anything. People do it all the time. I’m taking baby steps, instead of giant leaps. I’ve put my story out there for support, because out of shame I hid my pain and I never truly got anywhere. I’m not giving up this time. I’m sure I will make mistakes a long the way, but I’m not giving up. With God all things are possible.
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Stark County breaks local snow record for the month of February. But, isn’t it beautiful? I would love to share your pictures as well. Feel free to go and post them on the Stark County Connect Group on Facebook.
My Halloween Pumpkin is still in really good shape. Look closely. It’s covered in ice. I had to snap a shot.
This summer I had the best time enjoying some of the local parks with my nieces. This was my niece Bryanah’s first trip to the park. She is 2 years old and blind, yet had no fear whatsoever of the slides. She is my inspiration to live my life with gratitude and love.
“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” ~Jim Rohn
“If you go to work on your goals, your goals will go to work on you. If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. Whatever good things we build end up building us.” ~Jim Rohn
“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” ~Jim Rohn
“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” ~Jim Rohn
“The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you will always be the far greater value than what you get.” ~Jim Rohn
I really enjoyed walking in the McKinley Monument park over the fall. I have decided to post some of the pics so that you may see how beautiful fall in Canton, Ohio can be.
Change, Courage, Purpose & Love 